Someone say when you fall in love, the journey start, but guess some journey will end when the love not belong to you. is confuse when finally you thought you found someone but the person already 'been taken'.
Learn allot in this trip. A point of view to love someone just give, and never consider to hold back, never think of any back up plan to save it back.
I'm still remember my first, to remind my self back. His not prepare and yet~ he never been prepare any thing. I cant say I'm right, just maybe that time we just not there yet. like i say before, time will not heal, just we lock the memory and we don't look back.
I learn something thankful is this trip. this gentle friend of my say that to me : you need to know how to take the 'words' personally. Words can kill a person, but if you strong enough, you will be one of them to know how to 'love' is so simple to say it out, but is also so strong to make it, to build the strong in you. This gentle friend of my, he teach me allot, allot more then i don't expect. Greedy yes, because i really do want to know more, to see to search to be sponge just keep on absorb.
Another topic we talk about is marriage. easy way to use name. me = kitty, gentle friend = Master
Master : so? when are you getting marrie?
Kitty : when i find the right person.
Master : don't search too long, the good one will taken out by other girls and because not all willing to wait.
maybe his is prepare for marriage, well~ for the age of him yes, and for the age of my is a yes too. which girl not wish for a right one, a soul mate to take care of each other, a family of own, a new born child~... non perfect, i don't which for a perfect one, i don't which for a rich one ( well~ if he rich that is a bonus :d ) just maybe not my time yet, first love his not prepare, second one kind of..., the third person already been taken. ( you know who i'm taking ^^ )
Kitty : i do think about marriege
Master : but when you think of it mean you not prepare it!
no, that not the right way to say about it, im not sure how's the man think when his getting prepare for marriage or even most of the girls think but for me. I do, I do think about it, like i say, from my first love and i'm the age of 26, i prepare my self for every things, from house, car, future and etc... just maybe the plan doesn't work till the end. i try, try so hard till my friends saying not worth it, try so hard to please... guess God always got his way to guide his child. is time to let go, is already more then a year, is time to let go.
Is so easy to fall in love, but is also so easy to broke apart too. I know i will find someone who will appreciate me one day, just need to be patience, i'm already waiting for 29 years no harm waiting few more month or years I guess, just hope God don't let me wait too long.
The night before my last day in this trip, i can't stop my self crying in the room, crying out loud since no one beside me, crying till i feel the pain in my heart again. i feel my heart been broke to pieces again, i don't know why why i will feel this way, this kind of strong emotion feeling tonight, i know I'm kind of sensitive person. but has be awhile i don't have this kind of feeling. i thought i closed my heart. am I?
Losing my emotional again this morning, friends smsing but reply with tear. can't stop it~ might as well just let it be. I will closed my self again, protect my heart again alone. going back with a new knowledge with a pieces of my are left behind. A little puzzle had left it in this trip. think no one will notice it. can't hold back, so~ might as well just let it be~ that me~ can't hold back any more right? Is an odd feeling how easily i trust a person, a way of 'smell' i know i can trust this man for ever.
Emotional day of my, another day I my self will forgotten it by few month. maybe~ two more years what will i see my self when i read back this article? maybe will be totally different till the end, never know, no one will know only God will know the answer.
Rushing for something you cant rush is totally out of the way. I will keep to my self this little secret of my. a pieces of my he stole away.
