couple

20 July 2009- Monday night.
you finally say out the word i dream and wish of it. is so sweet and yet you so not romantic, talking out when you driving. i still remember till now that you say out : i like you~ can you be my girlfriends~ and the whole car... silence.....and you saying ..please don't silence, talk something. hhmm...yes..is still so sweet in my heart now.

29 July 2009 - Wednesday evening.
feel like missing something, people say first month or maybe more then a month. the new couple will be like honey moon, but i didn't feel like honey moon, i know you busy, but as list a call that i can hear your voice also can? we only talk in msn, no sms, no call, no saying good night sweet dream or i need to say to you on the msn i miss you, you only will say out i miss you more. just maybe a 5 minutes call, just let me hear your voice also can, i don't ask for more. really. but is it need me to say out again? hey~ can you call me this this time. i don't like that. :( or is it me ask too much? and hope too much from you?

30 July 2009 –Thursday afternoon.
you coming in to my office with a surprise, and yes you really warm my heart. And thanking ..hey..he know how to surprise me. That night I'm really happy, really happy. Sometimes girl do ask for more. Or maybe me. A couple is a different two background person that need to build a house together. Is very very difficult.
But if a person is have a heart to build it and another will always ask to wait, the person who building! The heart will get cold.

6 August 2009 –Morning.
is you who the one say want GI Joe movie, and am exciting with you. Ok ok, maybe I buy the ticket for you. You know what! 1 bowl of ice-water from the head to toe . 3 days before go try my luck to buy the ticket, get scold from the counter people, 3 day after is from you. Waiting in frond of the counter and the selling ticket people looking at me one kind because I say wait for sms. And am wait and wait for more the 20 minutes, and your sms still not any reply yet. Coming back office. You talking to me in msn is hhmm..mmm..eeh.. in the middle can tell me whats wrong. WHATS WRONG!!
You know you disappoint me, but you done know you doing wrong. when you saying out that is making my eye red again. am I really that hard for you to understand or just me that make my life hard??

11 August 2009 - evening
I'm sick again with a strong fever and the whole body getting pain and cold, asking you from msn pick me up and wait for doctor, you didn't say no, that already making me feel it, you care about me allot. looking at you helping the old lady to the car, you make me smile again, hey~ he's not bad, will not say NO~, seeing allot of guys out there not dare to help because old people have a kind or smell and just don't dare to help always make me angry. how about if you get old, and your son not helping you when you can't feed your self and maybe going to toilet? is that more scary?? we all will get old one day. just not now. any way....
I love you from bottom of my heart. still don't know why is you. :P but i know is you. you got the heart for me and other people, and your family too, and that is already a good heart and a good soul.

20 August 2009 - afternoon
is a Thursday, suppose I'm working today, but last two weeks already thinking taking off today to give him a surprise, but cannot, because he have to on time lunch. so....mean have to let him know, but he still don't get what day is that day. first time go to a 'boyfriend' office, well.....ok, not too bad the feeling, eating time, hhmm...well.....he talk to he friends more then me, still can live with that, but already abit hhmm..what in my mind is (talk together let me know your friends too). when all his friends going back office, then he ask again, 'what day is today, any special'? when told him, he give a oh~ 1 month lah.....hhmm..should i say ya loh~ 1 month loh...really giving me a should i laugh or cry feeling. No flower, no card, no sweet talk from him. oh~ and we go watch movie again...
next day friends asking how was it? did he give you a romance sweet talk or what ever? well...i can say he really not a romance guy, really really not a romance person. but love him.

but i do sometime really don't know how to talk to him, when going out, normally couple talking topic is to let other partner (i like to call soul mate) know more about them self.hhmm..but this woody here like to talk business. how?? hhmm.....
but i really hope one day he give me a look, that I'm in his heart. i don't really wish more. just have some times together. no play games, no talking about business, no talking about his phone.
my friend asking me " have you ever feels that you wanna protect someone more then being protected"? yes. i do have that feeling from young. from protect my family till now, giving out a strong place in my heart for 'him', but how about him? what is in his heart? i like to know...really love to know. till he say out the word, now...never know...

5 September 2009- night
I'm meeting out with his best friend in a proper way today. good to know him, a young boy like 1 of my best boy in work.
but turn out...hhmm...no comment. Having a scary and mental movie in gold class which is too expensive for me, paying for a nice good show is still acceptable, but a movie really i didn't even think of watching it. but since is his best friend girl friend buying the ticket, i don't want to disappointed them. And having a cup of coffee and a pics of cake just four of us cause more then RM50. well.......really no comment. i don't mine paying the bill sometimes, is...i don't know, this is a unnecessary bill for me. well....mean 2 week no lunch and dinner that all.

7 September 2009- night
a night that i will really will not forgot. think of it, will be still shy...but is sweet, never know a man lips is soft and taste like honey...first kiss, is true, that my first kiss for a man, and the man i love. i never kiss a man or any one before.from we starting will be only kiss his cheek.
Tonight will be a 'just happen', kissing each other cheek turn out hhmm....( still shy, but smiling) and i really don't mind to let him know he can kiss me because is him. only him. but will he think is it too fast and think I'm 'to open'? that i...saying 'i don't mind'??

20 September 2009 - night
is a Sunday, the only Sunday i'm not working since pass 3 years because Hari Raya.
Happy second month of couple dear.

11 October 2009 - noon
Just not enough, see you just a week just not enough, i know your busy, i know im busy too. but just not enough, i don't know why, just know not enough of you. i miss you, just want to tell you i miss you so much till i get up sad my self. i really miss you so much till i cry at night. just want to hug you so close, just want to be with you like that. i just miss you... :(

16 October 2009 - night
emo day, 2 day no call, no sms, no msn. nothing from you. i sms you good night, no reply, next day sms you no reply, saying no cradit. how about on the Thursday? you working, im working. the whole day i saw you in msn. busy still can give me a good morning right? just cose you a 2 second typing in msn... really can't?
I still feel not secure, you know my family history. i want more, but i try not to ask more. not a single thing from you. is me give you more that i hope you see it. are you? i duno... maybe is me, the problem is me. but... you didn't see what im seing is it? what happen and what i really feel is it? i though as a couple we see and feel each other? but no is it?
Me also busy ok!! not just you!! from work that already making want to just trow the God damn letter, family matter, moving house, money problem, what more? my body already got problem, you knew that coming, i told you last month, but where's the pill i really want it? i can get it any clinic, but because thinking you get your business from your side. i wait, and thinking on the 20 will be our 3 month anniversary, how about we have a dinner on the 19, you give me a 'see first' ... do you know every single time you use that word will make me up sad. is disappointed me every single time you say that. you didn't even try to ask me why? am i? am i ask too much? your time can't fix, ok~ i plan my for you just to have time together. but you....
when every time i try to let you know I'm not happy, you coming back is what wrong lah. is like you saying what now!!! i just want a hug. i just thinking can share with you. huging you, you didn't even put your hand on me to hug me back just to let me know every thing gonna be fine. i just want to share like you angry of something, i listen to you. dear... I'm crying now. you know that?