waiting

28 may is a Wesak day.
In the afternoon you msn me saying want to talk about it, OK. find.
I'll waiting for you from 8:30 till 10.30 you still not here yet. i sms you asking you :'where are you'? you saying at home. i asking you again : 'you saying you want to talk'? you telling me talk in the phone and asking me go to my room first. that time my heart starting to pain & feeling not right, and yet, you starting to tell me we not click. and you your self don't dare to tell me face to face & playing with words again. and yes! i do, i do come out the word :' you want to break up is it'? and you only starting with a YES. dammnn you! how dare you say that word so easily and from the phone! i ask you to come, face to face to talk it out.
In the car i still remember when you saying out those word ' i don't love you any more'. how dare you see our relationship so easily and so light. and you starting coming out all those reason saying your friend say we not click, I'm too emotional, I'm not strong enough.
My heart cutting to piece by your words. you have no idea how hurt, how selfish when you say that out. last week when we fight because of your phone sms, you still saying I do want you, i do care about you, I do LOVE YOU. and this week you are saying I don't love you. HOW DARE you say it just like that. GROW UP!!! from the first time i know you, you will never been like this. what change you to become so scare. i only want your care. you in the busy time, find! just at list a call. you saying you pampered me too much from the first place because seeing me too much. is that wrong a new couple seeing each other often? is that wrong?
And you telling me on December when we fight, you think again are we belong together? MOVE ON! is you always saying drop it!! what ever we fight i will forget it. and i still don't remember what are we fighting for that time & you still remember. you are so ego, so selfish that only thinking of your self we are not click because i always need you. and you are still thinking about your 21 years old 'best friend' saying we not click. are you that easy to listen what other people say? how about me then? do i say any bad part to you from what my friend say about you? any of them? NO!! is a NO!! because i see what you are, who are you, i choose to believe my self. i choose the right person. and that person have a good soul. yes. you always making me cry. but i tell you how i feel, is you need to listen and do what you think should do and make it better and tell me about it, and that is YOU told me to tell you in our policy. from the first month you told me that. and i always remember that because that is the most imported word for me and that is the most sweet word for me :' Tell me what wrong i do, i will fix it back, i will make my self better for you'. where is he again? where is that man i love so much?

29 may Saturday.
waking up without a soul. been crying the whole day since morning. the word you saying still hurting me so much more that i don't expectant. my family know about it. i do happy i have a family that really care about me will. i praying again. i pray you know what you doing, i pray my Lord, Jesus heal my pain that you give me. and i pray we will be OK.

30 May Sunday
I'm still moody and hurt from the word that you give me. but i starting to angry about you. you can so easily just saying out like this? and why other people words so easily will turn your mind? you should have your own mind set. because is your choose. not them! you are with me, not them! because you work. because your study fail! and you choose to break up with me! the anger in me starting to make me cry again. yes, we are not break up because i say NO! i would let go like this. but yes... is still hurt so much. but when you saying we try again. is a 'love' can try? are you change already? or really just me to try? just by my self?

31 May Monday
from morning. i do know you in the office already, but you didn't put online until afternoon, i ten not to msn,call,sms you. we need to cool down. but I'm still feel hurt.

6 June Tuesday
already pass 1 week that didn't hear your voice. On the Sunday, I cant stop my heart just thinking of you, so what i do is only sms you, i don't dare to call you because i afraid i will just cry out again just hearing your voice. is the pain that make me alive. is the missing part that make me feel sad deep inside. hun...can i still call you that? will that still 'only me' can call you that? i miss you.

10 June Thursday
the whole night I'm been dreaming about you, your bad, your good, the way you look at me, the way you hug me, the way you kiss me, Oh God! i Miss you so much. from the sms i still don't really dare to disturb you. i scare you will hate me, i scare you will run away and i scare you will not be in my life any more.

13 June Sunday
i pray for God to give me strength to talk to you, i pray for GOD you will talk to me that not just a simple word. but end up, yes. disappointing from you again. all you think about is the computer that not giving you the money. yes, i do ask you about 'do you still want to fix?' but really...all you coming back to me is the money. you don't even call me back. my feeling for you i think i lost bit by bit already.

10 July 2010
will never wait again. because you don't love me any more. but i always still pray God will care for you.