couple

20 July 2009- Monday night.
you finally say out the word i dream and wish of it. is so sweet and yet you so not romantic, talking out when you driving. i still remember till now that you say out : i like you~ can you be my girlfriends~ and the whole car... silence.....and you saying ..please don't silence, talk something. hhmm...yes..is still so sweet in my heart now.

29 July 2009 - Wednesday evening.
feel like missing something, people say first month or maybe more then a month. the new couple will be like honey moon, but i didn't feel like honey moon, i know you busy, but as list a call that i can hear your voice also can? we only talk in msn, no sms, no call, no saying good night sweet dream or i need to say to you on the msn i miss you, you only will say out i miss you more. just maybe a 5 minutes call, just let me hear your voice also can, i don't ask for more. really. but is it need me to say out again? hey~ can you call me this this time. i don't like that. :( or is it me ask too much? and hope too much from you?

30 July 2009 –Thursday afternoon.
you coming in to my office with a surprise, and yes you really warm my heart. And thanking ..hey..he know how to surprise me. That night I'm really happy, really happy. Sometimes girl do ask for more. Or maybe me. A couple is a different two background person that need to build a house together. Is very very difficult.
But if a person is have a heart to build it and another will always ask to wait, the person who building! The heart will get cold.

6 August 2009 –Morning.
is you who the one say want GI Joe movie, and am exciting with you. Ok ok, maybe I buy the ticket for you. You know what! 1 bowl of ice-water from the head to toe . 3 days before go try my luck to buy the ticket, get scold from the counter people, 3 day after is from you. Waiting in frond of the counter and the selling ticket people looking at me one kind because I say wait for sms. And am wait and wait for more the 20 minutes, and your sms still not any reply yet. Coming back office. You talking to me in msn is hhmm..mmm..eeh.. in the middle can tell me whats wrong. WHATS WRONG!!
You know you disappoint me, but you done know you doing wrong. when you saying out that is making my eye red again. am I really that hard for you to understand or just me that make my life hard??

11 August 2009 - evening
I'm sick again with a strong fever and the whole body getting pain and cold, asking you from msn pick me up and wait for doctor, you didn't say no, that already making me feel it, you care about me allot. looking at you helping the old lady to the car, you make me smile again, hey~ he's not bad, will not say NO~, seeing allot of guys out there not dare to help because old people have a kind or smell and just don't dare to help always make me angry. how about if you get old, and your son not helping you when you can't feed your self and maybe going to toilet? is that more scary?? we all will get old one day. just not now. any way....
I love you from bottom of my heart. still don't know why is you. :P but i know is you. you got the heart for me and other people, and your family too, and that is already a good heart and a good soul.

20 August 2009 - afternoon
is a Thursday, suppose I'm working today, but last two weeks already thinking taking off today to give him a surprise, but cannot, because he have to on time lunch. so....mean have to let him know, but he still don't get what day is that day. first time go to a 'boyfriend' office, well.....ok, not too bad the feeling, eating time, hhmm...well.....he talk to he friends more then me, still can live with that, but already abit hhmm..what in my mind is (talk together let me know your friends too). when all his friends going back office, then he ask again, 'what day is today, any special'? when told him, he give a oh~ 1 month lah.....hhmm..should i say ya loh~ 1 month loh...really giving me a should i laugh or cry feeling. No flower, no card, no sweet talk from him. oh~ and we go watch movie again...
next day friends asking how was it? did he give you a romance sweet talk or what ever? well...i can say he really not a romance guy, really really not a romance person. but love him.

but i do sometime really don't know how to talk to him, when going out, normally couple talking topic is to let other partner (i like to call soul mate) know more about them self.hhmm..but this woody here like to talk business. how?? hhmm.....
but i really hope one day he give me a look, that I'm in his heart. i don't really wish more. just have some times together. no play games, no talking about business, no talking about his phone.
my friend asking me " have you ever feels that you wanna protect someone more then being protected"? yes. i do have that feeling from young. from protect my family till now, giving out a strong place in my heart for 'him', but how about him? what is in his heart? i like to know...really love to know. till he say out the word, now...never know...

5 September 2009- night
I'm meeting out with his best friend in a proper way today. good to know him, a young boy like 1 of my best boy in work.
but turn out...hhmm...no comment. Having a scary and mental movie in gold class which is too expensive for me, paying for a nice good show is still acceptable, but a movie really i didn't even think of watching it. but since is his best friend girl friend buying the ticket, i don't want to disappointed them. And having a cup of coffee and a pics of cake just four of us cause more then RM50. well.......really no comment. i don't mine paying the bill sometimes, is...i don't know, this is a unnecessary bill for me. well....mean 2 week no lunch and dinner that all.

7 September 2009- night
a night that i will really will not forgot. think of it, will be still shy...but is sweet, never know a man lips is soft and taste like honey...first kiss, is true, that my first kiss for a man, and the man i love. i never kiss a man or any one before.from we starting will be only kiss his cheek.
Tonight will be a 'just happen', kissing each other cheek turn out hhmm....( still shy, but smiling) and i really don't mind to let him know he can kiss me because is him. only him. but will he think is it too fast and think I'm 'to open'? that i...saying 'i don't mind'??

20 September 2009 - night
is a Sunday, the only Sunday i'm not working since pass 3 years because Hari Raya.
Happy second month of couple dear.

11 October 2009 - noon
Just not enough, see you just a week just not enough, i know your busy, i know im busy too. but just not enough, i don't know why, just know not enough of you. i miss you, just want to tell you i miss you so much till i get up sad my self. i really miss you so much till i cry at night. just want to hug you so close, just want to be with you like that. i just miss you... :(

16 October 2009 - night
emo day, 2 day no call, no sms, no msn. nothing from you. i sms you good night, no reply, next day sms you no reply, saying no cradit. how about on the Thursday? you working, im working. the whole day i saw you in msn. busy still can give me a good morning right? just cose you a 2 second typing in msn... really can't?
I still feel not secure, you know my family history. i want more, but i try not to ask more. not a single thing from you. is me give you more that i hope you see it. are you? i duno... maybe is me, the problem is me. but... you didn't see what im seing is it? what happen and what i really feel is it? i though as a couple we see and feel each other? but no is it?
Me also busy ok!! not just you!! from work that already making want to just trow the God damn letter, family matter, moving house, money problem, what more? my body already got problem, you knew that coming, i told you last month, but where's the pill i really want it? i can get it any clinic, but because thinking you get your business from your side. i wait, and thinking on the 20 will be our 3 month anniversary, how about we have a dinner on the 19, you give me a 'see first' ... do you know every single time you use that word will make me up sad. is disappointed me every single time you say that. you didn't even try to ask me why? am i? am i ask too much? your time can't fix, ok~ i plan my for you just to have time together. but you....
when every time i try to let you know I'm not happy, you coming back is what wrong lah. is like you saying what now!!! i just want a hug. i just thinking can share with you. huging you, you didn't even put your hand on me to hug me back just to let me know every thing gonna be fine. i just want to share like you angry of something, i listen to you. dear... I'm crying now. you know that?

Empty

I’m here again, with speechless, with no sunlight growing from my eyes, can’t listen any more, can’t hold tic soon, how to let you know I’m here? I’m always here, and you never looking at me when his here in frond of you. I’m empty when you show that kind of face on me. I’m tired. I’m really tired of pleasing you. But what should I do without you? Am cry in my bath, when no ones can hear me, am crying with holding a pillow to close up all my voice. am crying without voice again and… looking the mirror without soul. I smile with my self, hey~ not the first time. hey~ will over soon, hey~ time fly’s will end again. is damn hurt when saying that to my self, is damn damn hurt. I’m looking my hand when what ever happen, am I wrong? am I the ones always need to ice my heart just not to get too much problem out. Never know, but knowing one think. Well never end.

Never know will hurt that much too when you told me go home alone that night. Know you tired, know you get allot of stress this few week or maybe more. Can’t tell you much you need to take care your self. Because you don’t like people talk to many times. but that’s me. Is a part of me. Like you is a part of me already. I’m not sure that is already a love or like, but I do know is hurt that night. Is true when I saw the line from my brother computer it say ‘When you giving a girl a smile, the girl will give you her heart’. Maybe is not a big deal for you, but as a girl and that girl no ideal how to walk the way of her relationship. I really blur how you want in, I feel lost, I like you allot. But sometimes is lost just looking at you. How you feel about me? Is really just a friend? a good friend? Can my heart let go of you? Can I?

You!!!

Do you know i still like you allot? Do you know i always think of you? Do you know allot of stuff i focus my self to do it because of you? Do you know i feel hurt when you not looking at me? Do you know i feel hurt when you not talking any more. Do you know when you walk in frond of me I feel lost when just looking at your back? Do you know i feel more hurt you just let it be. i really don't know what you think of me, and i scare to ask again. i scare you will never talk to me. and sometimes do you know you make me feel I'm like no brain. :( when you talking with me. Do you know sometimes when you answer my question, you make me feel so sad. no..i don't think you know. care about you and concern about you is the only way i know. and i try to be a better girl, but i think you didn't see it, do you know my family asking me I'm like a girl finally? ya~ because i always act as a boy, because no one really concert about how i act, is who am i. but i try to make my self become more 'girl sensitive', but i think you don't notice it.
i like vege you don't like it. i like fish you like chicken, i drink water you drink kids stuff. and some more is all sugar drink. you asking me do i wear high hell, yes i wear, but i don't dare to say scare i taller then you if i wear it. and i remember you saying about a girl 'not work out because she too tall', dinner time always thinking what do order for you and not for me. i don't dare to eat after 8pm because i got tummy problem, i still eat with you because i knew you didn't have your dinner. but shirt thing... i still fall for you, and is hurt when you really not looking back I'm there. i know you been stress up with you work,hey..~~ who's not, but do you hear me bullshit in frond of you allot? no way. because i don't dare too and if i do also you wont really listen. i try to share my working part with you, and as a friend also can give me a comment but your answer only a 'up to you'. 'up to you'!!! 'up to you'!!! hurt allot when hearing that from a person i really like, really hurt. and i think all your friends is calling your name, but is me calling not your name. i try to open my life to let you see who i am. but allot of things is you acting dumb or just ignore it or you wont say it. i don't know. i really don't know. how can i know you don't let me see your world?i'm blur but i'm not dump and yes. you told me before 'we just friend'................feel like a broken string. if fix i think is only me my self can fix it back. is it??

quiz

Ellan completed the quiz "Which Liquor Are You?" with the result Lucid Absinthe Superieure.

You are Lucid Absinthe Superieure! You have a mysterious lure about you. You see things from a different perspective. You are a multi-layered, complex individual, with a soft, delicate side. However, there is a side of you that is dark.

Well… true, I love to drink sometimes, but still can’t get if what liquor is ‘Lucid Absinthe Superieure’, mysterious as in my personality, I do let people think a lot of different view of me, the crazy part, the inner me, and ofcause, the sexy me. :P but seeing things in different perspective will be always look at the negative side first before the good think come o my mind. But yes…I’m DARK…


Ellan completed the quiz "What does the week you were born say about you?" with the result The Week of Youth and Ease - Aquarius 2 January 31 – February 7.

You do not like trouble in any form and would do practically anything to avoid it. You value your happiness highly and generally ask to be left alone to travel your own path. Your craftsmanship is pronounced and can display a mastery of your medium. Youthfulness of all kinds (mental, emotional, and physical) is one of your characteristics and you are often accused of being emotionally immature and superficial (although superficial you are not.) You are well liked and admired and sometimes spend too much time pleasing others rather then assert yourself. You have a high opinion of yourself and are prone to conceit. You like to keep your relationships light, and to avoid serious or heavy involvements. You are attracted to very opposite personalities from what you may think you want. Strengths: Accomplished – Admired – Refined Weaknesses: Immature – Tortured – Cut Off .

I don’t like trouble
I like to be happy possible
I like to be alone too, sometimes
I pleasing too many people in 27 years of my life time, and I still doing it, but sometimes is really sad to please them and they just can’t see you there.
I really love to have a relationship now, and with him, but i don't think he see it. :S


Ellan completed the quiz "Are You a Foodie?" with the result Advanced Foodie.

You are a true foodie! Your level of knowledge makes you feel at home in any restaurant in the world. You probably read cook books for fun and you swoon over foods labeled "artisanal" or "hand crafted." Congratulations! Julia would be proud of you!.

Call me, you buy the stuff, I cook for you.


Ellan completed the quiz "WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE?" with the result You are a Visionary..

“You have the ability to see things in a way that others cannot and your perception is second to none however you do not always follow the logical path even though you can almost always predict how things will turn out. You are gifted in business and your insight into the future makes you an excellent person to give good advice to those around you.”.

I don’t follow my brain sometimes too.
I do give good advice to all the people I know, but who give me advice I want?? :S


Ellan completed the quiz "What is Your Inner Self?" with the result A Moonlike Person.

You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are not happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to not burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has been dealt blows before . You tend to think about things a lot more than other people, and you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about consequences. You are also the type of person that others often come to with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely, your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed. You usually are logical, and rely a lot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases. Thanks for taking this quiz, I hope you enjoyed it .

This is so true. all quiz form FB, a personal test for my self.